Place in This World

The wind is moving
But I am standing still
A life of pages
Waiting to be filled
A heart that's hopeful
A head that's full of dreams
But this becoming
Is harder than it seems
Feels like, I'm

Looking for a reason,
Roaming through the night to find my
Place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need Your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world

If there are millions
Down on their knees
Among the many
Can you still hear me?
Hear me asking
where do I belong?
Is there a vision
That I can call my own?
Show me, I'm

Looking for a reason
Roaming through the night to find my
Place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need Your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world

Michael W. Smith, 1990

This pretty much sums up what I feel this second. Lost. Lonely. Pointless. It is so frustrating that one minute you can be on top of the world, and yet, the next you are swimming with the fish. I think I come up with something that is so 'me', and then people are like 'no, you are so smart, you can do better than that'. But all I want to do is get married, be a mum and serve God. Isn't that a good job? Why does everyone think I should be a teacher? I may be smart, and I might make a good teacher, but I don't want to! How many times do I have to say no? Christian leaders that I respect and love seem not to care that I don't want money, a career or anything like that - I want to love and cherish others and be remembered as someone who went out of her way to do that, not as a too-busy, educationally minded woman. Why don't they see that that is my heart? Is that too much to expect? Why can't they let me live my dream and support me in that?

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Does anybody hear... does anybody see?

Well, I was just (and actually still am, while typing this post) listening to the Casting Crowns song, 'Does anybody hear her' on Elijah Lofgren's blog (he's the brother of a Maiden of Worth). Well, I must say, it just struck a chord with me. I feel compelled to post, and right now I don't even know what to post about... so we shall see where this leads... I''ll just randomly write things and if they make sense, all good, if not, please forgive me... :)

Does anybody hear her... does anybody see...
Honestly, am I seeing? Do I really care about others and take the time to... take in where they are at? Do I stop and walk in their shoes? Do I know what it is like to be unwanted by your father? No, but I am blessed to have a Heavenly Father who can give me discernment and the words say to encourage and value my hurting friend.

lofty glances, lofty people...
How humbly am I living? I am a sinner - just as bad as the next thief, murderer... and yet so often I (we) look down on others because their sins are 'bigger' than mine... *deep sigh* I don't want to live like that! I don't want to be so heavenly minded that I'm no earthly good, or so earthly minded that I'm no heavenly good... ARGH! It is so hard to live a life that is totally sold out for God in this world... but I can do all things through my Christ who strengthens me...

She is searching, for a hero to ride in, To ride in and save the day, And in walks her prince charming... And he knows just what to say...
Wow. Such a challenging line for me. How much am I relying on guys for my value? Do I seek the opinions of men or of God? I know what, deep down, I want... I am a princess in God's eyes - and yet I let... the number of times a guy emails me determine how special I feel...

Searching for the hope tucked away in you and me...
Wow. A good reminder that I have the hope of Glory tucked away in my heart, and yet so much of the world doesn't. Where am I being open and sharing this hope with others? I don't want to hide my hope - that won't bring much glory to God... I have to shine my light...

Well, thank you, kind blogging friends, for listening to my thoughts... :)

Blessings!

Just a Girl 4 God

PS. If anyone has any tips for how to be patient while waiting for 'prince (or princess) charming', let me know, as I'm thinking I'll do a post along these lines in the next little while... :) Blessings!

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